Oh, Thurston! What do you wear to a nuclear meltdown?

To let you read the last page first… I’m taking my two daughters Amy (16) and Caroline (10) to the States for a few weeks. We’ve booked the first available flight and plan to leave Monday (Sunday in the U.S.) at 4:10 p.m. our time. My husband will stay.

Since the “Triple Tragedy” which has quite literally rocked Japan this past week, we’ve been working with the other volunteers over at CRASH (Christian Relief, Assistance, Support, and Hope) and feeling very vital and impassioned. Feeling like our 25 years of service here have prepared as for “such a time as this.”

Lots of our years in Japan have been discouraging. I was actually pouring my heart out to a Christian counselor just the other day -- exactly one week before the earthquake.  I said that if we knew for sure that what we’re doing here was making a difference, no sacrifice would be too great. But when you don’t really know if you’re accomplishing anything? Well… then it feels like “Why don’t we just go back to the U.S. and love on our kids and their (future) kids?”

Bam! We’re definitely making a difference!!

And I’m evacuating.

Giving sermons on “How to Discern the Will of God” comes off as very theological  and neat. Actually trying to discern the will of God feels like slogging through waist-deep mud. Or groping for my glasses in the morning when I can’t remember where I put them. (I’m REALLY blind!)

The evacuation of the areas closest to the nuclear power plant was absolutely essential. To be honest, I think the evacuation of the Tokyo area was based on over-sensationalized media coverage and panic. I feel perfectly safe in Tokyo. At least 95% percent of me feels safe. And I’m willing to deal with the 5% part.

What I’m not willing to deal with is the fact that my 10-year-old is still sleeping with us. Still refusing to be in a room by herself. Having nightmares about being on the school playground when the water starts coming through the fence and she cannot outrun it. Freaking out over REALLY little things and acting very bi-polar (apologies to those dear friends of mine who are bipolar!) Feeling earthquakes when they’re not happening. (Although who can really say for sure. Maybe kids have a special sensor and can feel more of the 550 AFTERSHOCKS we’ve experienced in the past week!)

What I’m not willing to deal with is my 16-year-old saying “Mom, I know you have a calling and a ministry here… but you have a calling as our mom too!”

That was the point at which it became easy to make the decision. Rob Morgan, our favorite Free Will Baptist author, came to our Field Retreat last month – wow, was that just last month?!!! – and one of the things he said was “Only do what ONLY YOU can do.” As far as I know, I’m the only mom my kids have.

I’ve never wanted to miss out on anything. For my part, I find great comfort by joining with the other volunteers. Yesterday’s prayer time to mark the time of the earthquake at 2:46 last Friday was one of the most awesome experiences of my life. Not to sensationalize, but it truly felt as close to Pentecost as anything I’ve ever been a part of. (I’m personally glad that the Spirit of God didn’t choose to actually ROCK the place, though – I’m pretty sure most of us wouldn’t have appreciated that particular manifestation!)

As I’ve been slogging and groping my way through the past 36 hours, my heart and the counsel of others has led me to know that this is the path for me and the girls right now. I will surrender my need for significance, and my fear of looking silly, and my concern about what others will think, to God’s plan.

So I’m taking the girls to see their big sister and brother in Nashville. Just after I called my oldest daughter to tell her we are coming, her local radio station played “We are family! I’ve got all my sisters with me!” I love our God’s sense of humor, don’t you?