I don’t think I’ve ever experienced survivor’s guilt before.
For at least a week after evacuating Japan, I could not allow myself to enjoy anything. I mean, really… how could I enjoy free drink refills at Taco Bell when people in Japan didn’t even have water? How could I spend any money at Kohl’s when they were desperate for a change of underwear? What kind of a monster am I to even consider getting a manicure when thousands of people don’t even have a toothbrush?
And then, I went to the Flea market to help my sister who had set up a booth there. I really love flea markets, yard sales, and the like. As I browsed the different booths, something unintended happened. I didn’t mean to do it, but all of a sudden I was having fun!
I talked to my good friend Eddie Payne about it on Sunday after church. He spent a career in West Africa and has seen some things. As a matter of fact, his kids just evacuated last week because of the war and violence there. Because I really love and respect “Uncle Eddie”, I was so relieved when he told me it was okay for me to have fun! We can, he said, use both sides of our brain at the same time: we can empathize with those who are suffering and still acknowledge the beauty in the world around us. Pain and joy, death and new birth, unspeakable tragedy and incomprehensible beauty. They all co-exist in this fallen world, and we have the capacity to experience them all simultaneously. Or, as Eddie said in his recent book Naados and His Kin, “Life is beautiful, even with the sting.”
The human tragedy continues in Japan. And yet, there are redemptive stories trickling out. Japanese Christians and missionaries are distributing food, water, hygiene kits, clothing and diapers. They are listening to survivors tell their stories, giving hugs to grieving families, and playing with children who have lost everything. We are hearing of salvation decisions in the area of devastation, and of people eagerly receiving Bibles. There are 7 members of the Fukushima Bible Church working at the nuclear power plant – and sharing Jesus with the other brave men who are facing certain danger. The love of God is shining through the darkness and despair.
And the body of Christ is ministering to the needs of my family as well. Our home church sent a welcoming party to the airport when we arrived, even though it was almost midnight! We’ve been provided with a car, a professional counselor who waived his fees, more places to stay than we could take advantage of, and even some Walmart gift certificates for anything we need to buy.
At first, I felt REALLY guilty. We did NOT experience this tragedy like the Japanese in the areas of devastation. But then I realized that JESUS Himself is loving on us through His church. We will not forget how He has sent His kids to hug us in His name. And, when we return to Japan, we will join His family there in expressing His love to those who are in desperate need of His embrace.
